Cool down and start again

I am having a little melt down.

I know that when I set out to set up and run my own business, that it would be hard. People have been telling that this is only the beginning; it gets tough. There will be good days and bad days and some really awful and hard going days. But that they are all part and parcel to it and the rewards having my own company will all make it worthwhile. At some point. In the end.

Today is one of the really hard ones. I knew that the sales campaigns would be tough this year due to the recession and the impending cuts but it seems very little is being spent at all. I have had a few days of rejections and advertisers not repeating adverts so all I can see is the £££ dropping away. Not at all in a greedy sense but in the 'how am I going to survive post Christmas' sense. I don't have anyone to fall back on, there is no-one else to help pay the mortgage so I have to work as hard as I can to keep the revenue at the same level.

It is hard when doing it on your own. No one to whinge at, no office banter to perk you up and help you crack on with the next item on the 'to-do list'. Perhaps I am just tired and the 2 months of non-stop work have just hit me, but I can't afford to slow do or even take a break for a few days i.e the weekend.

It may not sound like it but I am loving what I am doing and I know I will get there.

Today is just a hard day. And there are plenty more to come.

As my mum would say: 'Pull yourself together girl and get on with it'

So, back to the emails and telephone calls.

Stuck

I have too many things to say, but I don't know where to start. The beginning doesn't seem the right place because I don't know where that is.

I want some head space to work out what I want to say, to finish the things that I have started but not been able to because of feeling so tired. All my drafts end with a random word. I don't even remember where I was going with them.

I think I need a holiday or perhaps just a day sat at the beach where I can do nothing but watch the sea.

Lullaby Love

I watch your gaze and your smile lighten,
I trace your fingertips over hidden lines
you fought the ocean and sailed on through,
burying your soul deep against tides

the gesture of love and the promise of stars
a story etched under salty streams,
the ending the start of a happy beginning
a change in tone complements a lighter shade: soft to touch, gentle to feel.
the song is whispered as a gentle breeze, embracing my fear with a lullaby

slow to sleep but rest I will
comfort no longer sought from the dancing flowers
or in the silence of loneliness
now I can close my eyes with no worry to the past or fear to the coming
my eyes fade with the vision of you but my smile remains

as my reality pulls me close
butterflies dance across my back,
heat stirs beneath my skin,
my lust sweats but my enduring love prevails