You

You are in my house and I feel uncomfortable
I am not there, but you are
You are walking through rooms where we used to laugh
Are memories of our love, laughter in our first home flooding your thoughts?

You look into my bedroom
It was once our room
Where we slept, talked and held each other
Are memories of our love-making, nakedness and my touch reminding you of a desire?

You are in my bathroom
It isn't clean and tidy to your standard
The toilet that you fitted is broken
Are memories of your hard work and DIY filling you with a sense of lost achievement?

You are in my kitchen
The pin-board holds no notes or lists from you, no memoirs of days out
The calendar displays peoples names and events that you do not recognise
Are memories of the fun we used to have, how we were best friends evoking loss and regret?

Plan update

Last night I touched a dead slow worm in my mum's garden.
I am half-way there.

Drunken review

Last Thursday I went to see Lenny Henry perform at The Point in Eastleigh. He was ok, very funny in parts and not so funny in others. I felt sorry for Nathan; a 14 year old sat on the front row, I hope he found the constant piss-taking funny.

At the time, I thought it would be a good idea to try and write a review of the show on here, so, on a scrap piece of paper I made some notes. However, I had slightly too many glasses of wine and can't really remember the second half. I can hardly read my writing or scribbles as they look now, words are written over each other (it was dark!) and I have no idea what they mean. I thought I was amazing at the time and thought that my review would be fabulous.

This is what the note says :

Lenny Henry 5th June @ The Point

When to laugh and when not to.
Is this funny?
We love foreplay
Being too young to laugh
pissedoff.com
I laughed but.....
Too young, too fresh
Understanding

Needless to say, I wasn't very well on Friday and my review isn't fabulous.

Change

I felt like a change, I didn't like the yellow and green spots or dots so have lost them, perhaps indicating a sense of clarity. I also felt the need to change the picture; I didn't need to see it anymore. The picture is more important to someone else now - they have some searching to do.
I need to find a better picture or several but haven't the time to do it now, already spent too much of my working day on here.

Summer happiness

We picked our spot; we had walked past all the families building sandcastles and the large groups of teenagers, through the haze of sweet smelling lotions and sprays, past the sun worshipers who were basking in the heat and the little girl with the infectious laugh who was overwhelmed by the small lapping waves. We opened up my mis-shaped rug and towel and collapsed in unison. The sun tingling our skin, sending magical warming pulses through our bodies, filling our hearts with a complete sense of euphoria.
I love being at the beach with you. You don't care that the sand gets in everything, you don't complain that it is too hot, you don't mind the playful splashes.
We paddled, splashed and swam together, me in my underwear, you in your see-through-when-wet new shorts . It didn't matter what anyone thought, what mattered was that we were spending a sunny Sunday afternoon together and that we were happy.

Painting requests

I have been set a challenge to paint a snuggle.
The definition of which was given to me through a drunk text on Saturday night is:

SNUGGLE
When cuddling ones partner, you can't tell where your body ends and theirs begins, like the curves on two pieces of a jigsaw, very few have a perfect fit.

I can only paint sunsets and sunrises, which in fairness, are pretty much the same thing when I paint, but I like being able to confidently say that 'yes, what you are looking at is a beautiful sunrise'. I don't enjoy painting things that people ask me to - they never understand my interpretation of whatever they have asked.

I don't have much inspiration to paint a 'snuggle' maybe I need to go and experience one.

Poor attempt

I sit and wait.
My body vibrating to the deep dull beat of my heart.
A drum pounds in my ears
My hands shake
Anxiety pumps through my veins as I start to search.

A car passes outside
Is it you? My beat quickens
Must
Find
The
Answer

I find it. I see it, the words reverberate through my mind
The curtains go up and the motion picture begins.
Play
Rewind
Play
Rewind

I am falling, I am drowning
My heart slows
Inhale. Exhale
One deep breath, my thumb poised
I press delete.