Looking Back/Looking Forward

I have been wondering about posting a 'Looking Back/Looking Forward' based post for at least a week now, but the tone and content of what I really want to say has changed daily. I then gave up and thought I wouldn't bother especially as I have been ill with some kind of flu/cold and not been out of bed for 5 days. As you can imagine, the post has got more and more negative as the germs took hold.


However, in this down time which I have been forced to take, I have realised a lot about myself and what needs to be 'fixed' to enable me to not only be happy but to start attracting and embracing all that I want from life. Someone made me realise that it is ok to ask for help. So I thought I would write as I know it will be important, this time next year when 'looking back'.

I did manage to drag myself out of bed on New Years Eve and spend a couple of hours with my friends to see in 2011. I am glad I made the effort - I figured feeling rotten and out would be better than in, alone and miserable. I got quite emotional at midnight as I said goodbye to 2010 which has been a hard and difficult year and tried to welcome 2011 and all that it may bring.

I am not going to go on about the bad times (there are enough miserable posts on here from the last few months) but I am going to make a list of my priorities for the next 12 months:

1. Fix what is broken and not be ashamed or scared of asking for help
2. Focus on the long term fixes - no more short terms (that includes men!)
3. Improve work/life balance
4. Stop looking so hard
5. Be open
6. Be honest - mainly with myself
7. Look after myself which means exercise, eating healthy and giving myself a break
8. Stop complaining about being lonely and do something about it
9. Protect myself
10. Learn to laugh and have fun again

Not much eh?

But 2011 needs to be about me and addressing some issues. 2010 was a lot of fun and I loved my year of being 30. I did things that I should have got out of my system when I was younger. So many experiences, giggles, great nights out and new friends but in doing that, I also lost something - not that I know what, but something is misplaced and 2011 needs to be about finding it and achieving a consistent happiness.

I am ready.

End of a decade

This time ten years ago I was in Benidorm counting down to the year 2K. It was the most expensive holiday I have taken - I flew to Austrailia and back for near enough the same cost of a week on the Costa Blanca. It may have been all inclusive but that just meant that half the group (including myself) got food poisoning. I remember all the hype about the 2K bug and how computers over the world would crash and how it was so important to be doing something amazing to see in the New Year.

Although it seems like yesterday, scrambling onto Benidorm beach with my family, boyfriend and friends to watch the most awesome fireworks; it also seems like an eternity ago. And how different am I now! Ten years of learning, heartache, growing, love and new confidence.

All of these things sum up the last year alone. 2009 has been the year for me getting myself together, being brave and starting to put things in place for my future. Instead of bumbling along, often unhappy and too scared to make a point.

2009 didn't start in the best manner, I smashed a glass apparently very close to midnight which is meant to be VERY bad luck. I wasn't with the person or people I wanted to be with and saw the year in stupidly drunk with my brother. I was off alcohol for months I was so poorly.

There has been a lot of change at work with a Director leaving, new staff starting and myself becoming a Director. Financially, it has been a tough year and I am still owed for October's pay. 2009 was the year of change at work and the coming year will determine it's success or failure. Scary but hopeful times.

I broke a heart which was the hardest thing to do, but I wasn't happy; the relationship wasn't what I wanted and it was changing me as a person. I needed to take time out and to just be with me. But it demonstrated a new strength and confidence, one I wish I had found in 2006.

I turned 30 in 2009 and after all the drama and worries, I can honestly say, so far, my thirties have been the very best times. I have made many new friends through the world of Twitter - some of which I have met and some I hope to in 2010. Twitterland is always so hard to describe to those who are not involved, you can see it in people's expressions that they think of you as a sad muppet who does nothing more than chat nonsense to strangers- what can be more desperate than that! It isn't like that at all. For me Twitter is a community of friends who help, support and listen, friends who make you smile and giggle whatever the time of day, friends who take an interest, like-minded people who share experiences. It has given me confidence in over the last few months and would have been a little lost without it.

2009 has been all about experiences and pushing my boundaries. I skydived, snorkeled, rode a scooter in Greece speeding around the mountains, I travelled places on my own and challenged my confidence. 2010 is going to see more of this. More living and fun, more smiles and challenges. Work is going to be a huge challenge and I already have some difficult decisions to make, decisions that relate to my future and what I want out of it. There are things that I crave - to be in love and to be loved, settling down, a family, stability and security. But I am not rushing to find these, they will come when ready, I am learning to be patient and to trust what will be, will be.

Bring it on I say! I am going to have a bloody good time in 2010... whose with me?!

Happy New Year

My NYE celebrations were a bit of shambles. Boyfriend's van wouldn't start so he was unable to come down from London and it was too late to catch a train, so I went to the local pub with my dad and brother. In an effort to try and enjoy the evening and stop feeling miserable for not being with Martyn I drank far too much. Not only did I fall over and sprain my ankle (I blame my black patent stiletto heels and very tight pencil skirt combo) but I also can't remember saying happy new year to anyone. My brother assures me I did and that I was busting some excellent moves on the dance floor.

This leads me to my resolutions:
1. To drink in moderation
2. Always do the right thing

According to my stars for 2009, this is going to be a very good year for me. I have been reading a variety of horoscope predictions for this new year, I am a very typical Libran and it amuses me to see how different papers predict slightly different happenings. I think 2009 is going to be a challenging one, work is going to be a difficult one due to one of the directors leaving to (selfishly) follow his goals. It will be a make or break time for the the business but there is an offer of directorship for myself. A decision to ponder over in some depth.

I want to do more of what I enjoy in 2009: baking, painting, going for walks, cooking, dancing, spending time with friends,  gardening, reading, spending time by the sea, smiling, laughing, loving and letting go.

I want to do less of: eating junk food, crying, sulking, procrastinating, over thinking, feeling bitter, all day hangovers,

Sally has tagged me to write seven things about myself and then tag seven more people, I never usually do these things, but I feel like time wasting:

1. I am the same height now as when I left primary school ( 5ft 7in)
2. I love pigs
3. I am coulrophobic
4. I can't eat chocolate and haven't done so for 18 years.
5. For my lunch today, I ate a ham, cheese and mustard sandwich on white bread and an apple
6. I have a sore neck and back from sleeping funny on Saturday night
7. I think I have a ghost in my house

The seven people I will 'tag' are: Emily, Bethan, Martyn, Laura, Emma, Bunglie, spiderpig. 

Hummmmmnnn!