I have been wondering about posting a 'Looking Back/Looking Forward' based post for at least a week now, but the tone and content of what I really want to say has changed daily. I then gave up and thought I wouldn't bother especially as I have been ill with some kind of flu/cold and not been out of bed for 5 days. As you can imagine, the post has got more and more negative as the germs took hold.
However, in this down time which I have been forced to take, I have realised a lot about myself and what needs to be 'fixed' to enable me to not only be happy but to start attracting and embracing all that I want from life. Someone made me realise that it is ok to ask for help. So I thought I would write as I know it will be important, this time next year when 'looking back'.
I did manage to drag myself out of bed on New Years Eve and spend a couple of hours with my friends to see in 2011. I am glad I made the effort - I figured feeling rotten and out would be better than in, alone and miserable. I got quite emotional at midnight as I said goodbye to 2010 which has been a hard and difficult year and tried to welcome 2011 and all that it may bring.
I am not going to go on about the bad times (there are enough miserable posts on here from the last few months) but I am going to make a list of my priorities for the next 12 months:
1. Fix what is broken and not be ashamed or scared of asking for help
2. Focus on the long term fixes - no more short terms (that includes men!)
3. Improve work/life balance
4. Stop looking so hard
5. Be open
6. Be honest - mainly with myself
7. Look after myself which means exercise, eating healthy and giving myself a break
8. Stop complaining about being lonely and do something about it
9. Protect myself
10. Learn to laugh and have fun again
Not much eh?
But 2011 needs to be about me and addressing some issues. 2010 was a lot of fun and I loved my year of being 30. I did things that I should have got out of my system when I was younger. So many experiences, giggles, great nights out and new friends but in doing that, I also lost something - not that I know what, but something is misplaced and 2011 needs to be about finding it and achieving a consistent happiness.
I am ready.
Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts
Sunday, 2 January 2011
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Turning 30 and loving it!
Well, I made it. I turned 30 and not only does it feel great and as though I have turned a corner. Everything suddenly seems so perfect and as it should be, which makes me smile.I’ve had a great birthday weekend and feel touched by my family and friends who have made it special, from my Nan who gave me a beautiful string of pearls with a poem entitled ‘Grandma’s pearls of wisdom’ to my friends who cooked a special dinner and yesterday’s fun in London a memorable girlie day.
I wrote this post: Things to do before I reach 30 back in March when I was less than comfortable with the notion of leaving my twenties, I tried to categorise myself and in an effort add excitement and adventure to my life; I made a list of things to achieve before my birthday which looking back over now, it seems that some of them were a little ambitious and others a little dull. I can’t say that I have achieved them all, not even half but I think I have some pretty good reasons (or excuses if you want to look at it like that) here goes:
1) Skydive – As the biggest challenge to achieve I made sure that I did it (thought that if I did the biggest it would excuse all other failures!) I completed my skydive on the 20th September and it was the most amazing experience of my life. I wasn’t so much nervous whilst sat at the airfield, but more anxious due to the waiting around. Once I had my suit on (including fetching hat) and had a run through of the training, I was ready to go. I was the first to jump from the plane at 14,000ft (which took 15 mins to reach) When the doors opened and we shuffled to the edge of the plane so that I was dangling out the door, legs tucked under the plane as instructor Dave sat on the edge, I thought to myself how I must be mad and then, we fell and tumbled above the clouds freefalling at 125mph for 45 seconds. It was awesome. It didn’t feel as though we were falling because of the pressure against us but when I looked down to the clouds and ground it was all very real. After the parachute opened, the silence and beauty of the ground below was more breathtaking than the fall. I won’t forget that silence. We did a few spiral turns in the sky before coming into land with a bit of a bump. It was the most fantastic experience and I would do it again and again.
I raised over £600 for Zimele UK which was fantastic so thank you to all those that supported and sponsored me, the donations that came from my Twitter friends who which I have never met in person was overwhelming. My skydive can be watched here and I have some photos here
2) Zorbing - The ball never got rolling for this one. Perhaps next summer.
3) IOW Festival - It all got too confusing and expensive.
4) & 5) Ride a horse/get over fear - Horses still aren’t my favourite friends.
6) Watch live Jazz – not yet but this will happen soon.
7) Make a patchwork quilt – I am the proud owner of a beautiful handmade quilt but I have to be honest and sat that my mum did most of it. She got carried away and I let her. I did complete one full line of stitching though.
3) IOW Festival - It all got too confusing and expensive.
4) & 5) Ride a horse/get over fear - Horses still aren’t my favourite friends.
6) Watch live Jazz – not yet but this will happen soon.
7) Make a patchwork quilt – I am the proud owner of a beautiful handmade quilt but I have to be honest and sat that my mum did most of it. She got carried away and I let her. I did complete one full line of stitching though.
8) Visit London Dungeons – We did this as part of my birthday weekend and it was so much fun. Loved the characters and little surprises, highlights were sitting in the dark in Sweeny Todd’s chair and the ‘drop’ at the end!! So much fun!
9) Get a pet – Seriously! What was I thinking, I failed to look after my tomatoes this year (my mum told me off for not feeding and watering!) so having a rabbit would not be a good idea.
10) The picture says it all!
9) Get a pet – Seriously! What was I thinking, I failed to look after my tomatoes this year (my mum told me off for not feeding and watering!) so having a rabbit would not be a good idea.
10) The picture says it all!
11) I am still a Karaoke virgin12) Visit Kew Gardens – I will get there one day, I went to Exbury Gardens though.
13) Learn to salsa dance – Not exactly but I rocked dance floors with other moves
14) Read Jane Austen’s novels –I will cosy down over the winter in front of my open fire and read them
15) Trace my family tree – I think my aunty is doing this so I thought I wouldn’t interfere.
16) Go to a murder mystery party – A dead end.
17) Eat at a sushi restaurant – I blame my pregnant vegetarian friend for this failure.
18) Go to a Silent Disco - I couldn’t hear it to find it.
19) Buy a corset – I will squish into one when I can afford to
20) Spend a weekend in Liverpool - I had a weekend Brighton!?!
21) Skinny Dipping – Will perhaps leave this until next summer. A bit Bbbrrrrr! Right now.
22) Hold a slow worm! I did indeed – just here
23) Girlie night in London – We didn’t make it to a club on my birthday but we had a lovely dinner and cocktails in Covent Garden. I am sure there will be plenty more opportunities.
24) Learn to play poker – I tried to learn and was promised a lesson but opponent cheated at another card game.
25) Becoming Marketing Director – I had my promotion in July and new business cards in August.
26) Get Zimele UK registered – We are so very close to this and although not within my timescale we will be registered by February next year due to a lot of hard work and commitment by the trustees and volunteers.
27) Sell one of my paintings –I haven’t painted any to sell! I like mine all too much,
28) White Water Rafting – I think this would scare me more than the skydive; perhaps I need to do this somewhere exotic though!
29) Have a holiday – Went to Greece in July, more on my travel blog
30) Make five new friends – Well, this and my skydive challenge have been the most rewarding. Through the wonderful world of Twitter I have met (virtually) some fabulous interesting people, who have made me smile, laugh and who have given support when I have felt down. Some I have met in person and some I hope to meet. I think the power of twitter was shown last week when @diaryofaledger completed a tweetathon. The level of support was amazing and many were left overwhelmed with what was achieved. I still get a little choked up when I read Gray’s blog.
So all in all, I haven’t achieved all that I hoped to, but more importantly I am happy and content and can say I fit quite well into category 4! And I know that there is plenty of good times ahead and I am welcoming my ‘Flirty Thirties’ with open arms and a big Tequila!
Monday, 3 August 2009
Doing it for the kids - Support Zimele UK
A few years ago, one of my best friends left the UK for 9 months to work in an orphanage in South Africa. I remember her leaving party and how proud I felt of her for doing such an amazing thing – something I didn’t think I could ever be strong enough to do. My friend, who has a medical background worked with children who had been orphaned due to the HIV and AIDS pandemic that is strife across Africa. Many of the children carried the virus and had to be given drugs every day, Peta campaigned for their treatment and drove the children miles to see doctors in a area that was unsafe to be in. During her time there, it was heartbreaking to hear news of not all the children surviving. I admired Peta so much for what she was doing and wrote every month and sent packages for the children – little things like sweets and cartoon plasters, all of which were really appreciated and something new.
I have always wanted to do something like Peta; to do something where I feel I can make a difference, but even my mum tells me I don’t have a strong enough heart to do so. Maybe in a few years when I have a little more wisdom on life and confidence in myself I would like to think I could.
Peta wasn’t the only one who shared this experience and since returning, she has joined three other volunteers who worked in the Kwa Natal communities of South Africa, and set up the UK arm of a charity called Zimele which provides support through projects and skills to the adults and guardians allowing them to look after the children. It is an amazing charity that with little steps and efforts by some very committed people, provides help to those struggling with poverty and who have lost loved ones.Again, wanting to be involved and to help where I can I have become a trustee to provide the marketing support to get the charity off the ground. As with all these things, it takes time and time seems something that gets lost every day. We are all trying to do our bit – from selling the handmade crafts from South Africa at local markets and fair-trade events to writing press releases and arranging fundraising events. Which leads me onto number one of my Things to do before I am 30 list – I have set up my fundraising page and sent it out to all friends and family committing myself to jumping out of a plane at 14,000ft in September. Yikes. I am hoping that I can raise a good amount of sponsorship which will give the projects a great boost and set Zimele UK on the way to being a registered charity (which was another item on my list!)
So, if you are reading this and would like to sponsor me, please go to my fundraising page and donate what you can – even if it is a pound – it makes a difference, and gives me what I need – because believe me, I am going to be shaking like a leaf, with my heart in my mouth as that plan goes up and the doors open.
Thank you ; ) x
I have always wanted to do something like Peta; to do something where I feel I can make a difference, but even my mum tells me I don’t have a strong enough heart to do so. Maybe in a few years when I have a little more wisdom on life and confidence in myself I would like to think I could.
Peta wasn’t the only one who shared this experience and since returning, she has joined three other volunteers who worked in the Kwa Natal communities of South Africa, and set up the UK arm of a charity called Zimele which provides support through projects and skills to the adults and guardians allowing them to look after the children. It is an amazing charity that with little steps and efforts by some very committed people, provides help to those struggling with poverty and who have lost loved ones.Again, wanting to be involved and to help where I can I have become a trustee to provide the marketing support to get the charity off the ground. As with all these things, it takes time and time seems something that gets lost every day. We are all trying to do our bit – from selling the handmade crafts from South Africa at local markets and fair-trade events to writing press releases and arranging fundraising events. Which leads me onto number one of my Things to do before I am 30 list – I have set up my fundraising page and sent it out to all friends and family committing myself to jumping out of a plane at 14,000ft in September. Yikes. I am hoping that I can raise a good amount of sponsorship which will give the projects a great boost and set Zimele UK on the way to being a registered charity (which was another item on my list!)
So, if you are reading this and would like to sponsor me, please go to my fundraising page and donate what you can – even if it is a pound – it makes a difference, and gives me what I need – because believe me, I am going to be shaking like a leaf, with my heart in my mouth as that plan goes up and the doors open.
Thank you ; ) x
Monday, 13 April 2009
Monday, 9 March 2009
Things to do before I reach 30
I haven’t been feeling myself for the past few weeks. I think I know why but it is all too complicated. Why do our worries become so much more intense as we get older? I much preferred it when my only worry was whether I was wearing the correct day of the week knickers or if my vest was on the right way round.
Age is one of my ‘issues’ due to turning 30 in October. I know it is not a big deal really, but when my younger sister is telling me that I am ‘old’ and that I should really be thinking about having children, (she is only fifteen) and my grans are wanting to be great-grannies before, as they put it, ‘pop their clogs’, I can’t help but feel the pressure and a little scared by it.
It isn’t that I think I will be old, Christ! 30 is nothing, but more that I should start to behave and act with a more appropriate maturity i.e. not to laughing a rude sounding words, not getting ridiculously drunk (although I still have alcohol fear after this) and perhaps starting to know who I am and what a I want from life.
It isn’t so much the issue of age, but more of what I have achieved in 30 years; my lovely Aussie friend whom I visited last summer on a mission to ‘find me' came up with the synopsis that there are four main targets for most people:
1. You're either a family person (ie. fallen in love and created a family by the time you're 30)
2. You're a traveler and have seem half the world, probably twice, before you're 30
3. You're a career person and have got yourself to a good, high paying job that you're happy with by the time your 30.
4. Or you've had a great run at everything - experienced love, made a difference to someone or something, traveled a bit and know where you're headed.
We decided that we are none of the above and our 'issue' is about turning 30 and not having achieved anything. So far, in 29 years mine stack up as: I have traveled to Australia (which was one of the most amazing things I have done, more about on this blog) have also been to Canada and Thailand, I have my own house (only because I was able to buy my ex out of the property after he broke my heart, more here and here)
So, in a effort to enter my 30's with a whole host of achievements, I have exactly 220 days to achieve these thirty things (I have added a couple of things from this previous plan, as I have only managed number 3 on the list) Some will take considerable more effort that others, some will be fun whilst others will get the adrenaline pumping, in particular, holding a slow worm:
1. Skydive – I just need to decide upon which registered charity
2. Go zorbing – already planned for a summer activity
3. Camp at one of the big festivals – Isle of Wight, here I come!
4. Learn to ride a horse
5. Get over fear of horses (perhaps this should be number 4)
6. Watch live jazz, somewhere like Ronnie Scott's would be ace
7. Make a patchwork quiltIt isn’t that I think I will be old, Christ! 30 is nothing, but more that I should start to behave and act with a more appropriate maturity i.e. not to laughing a rude sounding words, not getting ridiculously drunk (although I still have alcohol fear after this) and perhaps starting to know who I am and what a I want from life.
It isn’t so much the issue of age, but more of what I have achieved in 30 years; my lovely Aussie friend whom I visited last summer on a mission to ‘find me' came up with the synopsis that there are four main targets for most people:
1. You're either a family person (ie. fallen in love and created a family by the time you're 30)
2. You're a traveler and have seem half the world, probably twice, before you're 30
3. You're a career person and have got yourself to a good, high paying job that you're happy with by the time your 30.
4. Or you've had a great run at everything - experienced love, made a difference to someone or something, traveled a bit and know where you're headed.
We decided that we are none of the above and our 'issue' is about turning 30 and not having achieved anything. So far, in 29 years mine stack up as: I have traveled to Australia (which was one of the most amazing things I have done, more about on this blog) have also been to Canada and Thailand, I have my own house (only because I was able to buy my ex out of the property after he broke my heart, more here and here)
So, in a effort to enter my 30's with a whole host of achievements, I have exactly 220 days to achieve these thirty things (I have added a couple of things from this previous plan, as I have only managed number 3 on the list) Some will take considerable more effort that others, some will be fun whilst others will get the adrenaline pumping, in particular, holding a slow worm:
1. Skydive – I just need to decide upon which registered charity
2. Go zorbing – already planned for a summer activity
3. Camp at one of the big festivals – Isle of Wight, here I come!
4. Learn to ride a horse
5. Get over fear of horses (perhaps this should be number 4)
6. Watch live jazz, somewhere like Ronnie Scott's would be ace
8. Visit the London Dungeons, I have a love hate relationship with being scared.
9. Get a pet - I am thinking a rabbit, I love rabbits especially lop-eared ones.10. Learn to walk on my hands
11. Sing at karaoke - *confession* I am a karaoke virgin12. Visit Kew Gardens
13. Learn to salsa dance14. Read all of Jane Austen's novels -I have seen the films, drama adaptations, mini series but never read them.
15. Try again with my genealogy project. I started research the Cooper family tree years ago but never got far, apparently my great aunt in Australia has the family tree. I should start with contacting her.16. Go to a murder mystery party
17. Eat at a sushi restaurant
18. Go to a Silent Disco19. Buy a beautiful corset, I would love one from Fairy Goth Mother but don't think I can justify the price tag.
20. Spend a weekend in Liverpool21. Go skinny dipping
22. Hold a slow worm23. Have a girlie night out in London
24. Learn to play poker25. Become the Marketing Director and shareholder at work
26. Get Zimele UK, the charity I am a trustee of registered as a charity, this means raising £5000
27. Sell one of my paintings
28. Go white water rafting
29. Have a holiday involving a beach
30. Make five new friends
Well, that should keep me busy.
26. Get Zimele UK, the charity I am a trustee of registered as a charity, this means raising £5000
27. Sell one of my paintings
28. Go white water rafting
29. Have a holiday involving a beach
30. Make five new friends
Well, that should keep me busy.
Wednesday, 7 May 2008
Today's list
I have given up trying to think about how to describe how I feel and why.
My emotional filing cabinet is a mess. Someone has altered the system and tampered with the process. To start again in the most simple terms, I have made a list.
Today I feel:
Alone
Lost
Relieved
Scared
My emotional filing cabinet is a mess. Someone has altered the system and tampered with the process. To start again in the most simple terms, I have made a list.
Today I feel:
Alone
Lost
Relieved
Scared
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