About Me

Sunday, 17 July 2011

When words fail

Today I feel like words are my enemies. I am angry and frustrated at the use of words and how we can abuse them so easily, how the absence of one word (or two) from a sentence or paragraph can change everything. How words, within seconds of reading them can change our mood and throw us into a pit of self-doubt.

The tone of a word is hard to communicate when tension and frustration has set in. It is easier to type or text and to let the words flow without reading and checking as to whether they say what we really intend.

How many times do we proof read a text, tweet, update or message before hitting send?
Is it a sign of becoming lazy with words and putting more emphasis on the expectations of the recipient that they will 'know and understand'. Words and their interpretation should never be taken for granted but they so often are. We presume others are more aware of a situation or have inside information or are conspiring against us and we get angry and sad when the response is not what we want to hear, when in actual fact, if the response was said to us in person and we could hear the tone of voice, see the facial expressions and body language, we would know that there is no conspiracy and that people do care.

Words are powerful things, please use them with care.

Friday, 15 July 2011

Relief at last

Since the beginning of April all I have wanted is to be able to take a huge breath in, fill my lungs and then exhale knowing that I am ok and that my health is back to what it should be.

Today I have finally taken that breath and my goodness it feels good.

After the last hospital appointment I was left with a decision as to whether I have my left ovary taken out after being told the disease had made a home on it, or whether to leave it, plan my future i.e children, as normal and just keep the left ovary monitored. I was a mess after that appointment. I had wanted to get some closure on the last few months and know that I could move on but I was told that the left ovary already had the disease so to me, the saga has still been continuing.


This afternoon I have been to see Mr Metcalf, (who was unavailable last time so I saw one of his colleagues) I went with confidence to let him know what I had decided - to removed the left ovary and have some eggs frozen for a future time. He looked a little shocked at that and advised me that I shouldn't. As he started to explain about the little 'node' that shown itself on my left ovary it turned out that they didn't just take a biopsy of it but they cut it out of my ovary. So, there was me thinking after the last appointment that I have another little bugger (who had been named Eric) and have been worrying since about how and when it might grow, when in actual fact - I have nothing! There are no more nasties in my body and I do not have to lose my left ovary all I have to have is an ultrasound every 4 -6 months to check make sure nothing new is growing.


I feel like a cloud has been lifted. I am still seeing the infertility clinic next week to discuss harvesting and freezing eggs but this is going to be more of a back up plan should anything crop up and start to grow again. But, I have been told that having babies naturally shouldn't be a problem.

I have no idea why we were told this before or if we did why we didn't pick up on it. My medical friend was with me last time and she was of the same understanding. I spent that Friday sobbing my little heart out for nothing.

Today I have done what I wanted to do three weeks ago - skip out of the hospital feeling positive and happy.

And now I can properly draw a line under it and get back to being me.