Thursday, 26 April 2012

My Story



I had wanted to move away from blogging about my life and back to some creative writing but so much has happened in the last few month I thought I would share some more.... and it does make a good story!

I have been quite open about my various operations and heath problems over the last year. It was last April (practically to the day) that the journey of endless hospital visits, tests and scans started, then the operations, more scans and tests and finally the fertility treatment this January so that in a few years time, we could have children despite me having both my ovaries removed. 

The treatment finished at the end of January and soon after I had my next operation date - the 29th February to have my left ovary and various bits removed. I was nervous and anxious the night before; there wasn't much that Carl could to do reassure and comfort me. My stomach cramping with IBS (or so I thought at the time) and on the morning of the operation, a migraine erupted.

Carl couldn't stay with me because of it being a women only hospital, so I was shown to a bed given a cocktail of strong painkillers for the migraine and told to wait. I slept a bit, cried a bit and just waited whilst at least 8 women were wheeled off the ward and take into theatre. 

My nurse Evie was ditsy. Lovely, but all over the place. She kept forgetting what she was doing with me and I waved my little pot of urine a few times to remind her that she hadn't taken it to wherever it needed to go. At 12.30pm, she went off for lunch - she said goodbye and good luck and again I pointed out that my pee pot was still on the window.

Almost an hour later, an anaesthetist nurse came to get me to take me to theatre. I answered the same questions I have been answering all morning… name, date of birth. She asked if I had provided a sample because the relevant box hadn't been ticked, I told her that Evie had taken it to which she replied that we would find out the result on the way round to theatre.

So off I go on my bed, deep breaths and thinking I CAN do this again; I get wheeled in the to white room where they send you off into lovely sleeps. The nurse (who I remember from my laparoscopy) asked lots of questions about what I do… I know she sees hundreds of people a month so of course she can't remember me, but I couldn't help be impatient that I had told her all this before.

A man came in and introduced himself and the medical student he is with. He started getting the cannula into my hand whilst the nurse hooks me up to the sticky pads for monitoring.  Two more people came into the room and the anaesthetist explains about me having a spinal as well as general.

Then Evie appeared...

Everyone shuffled whilst they were talking behind me and Evie asked if I can do another urine sample. I told her I have just been, they all asked me to try and suggested that they stand outside the room whilst I pee into one of the card sick bowls. I explained that I can't and then the anaesthetist asked when my last period was. I told them it was the end of January and that I knew I was late but i was putting it down to the hormones I was pumped with during January and that my cycle has probably been affected.

Everyone was smiling and saying what good news. No one said, "Jo, you are pregnant" They just beamed with smiles and say what wonderful news. Mr Metcalf, my consultant came through from the theatre room and told me that I like to complicate things and that he won't be performing the operation… All I could say was that I was getting married in September and how was I meant to fit into my dress! They told me I went pale… and then flushed as I was wheeled back to the ward so I could go for another wee to confirm and to wait for a slot up in early pregnancy for a scan and blood test.

My second wee confirmed everything and I was left on the ward on my own with 'OH MY GOD' going over and over in my head. I called Carl and told him they had cancelled my operation and the reason why… more "OH MY GODs' and asked him to come back asap. I called mum and told her, she cried and screamed down the phone and says she has made a cake.

I had pretty much accepted that I may not be able to have children after all my 'problems'. Yes, we had 'back-up' with the frozen ones but with a 30% success rate of IVF, I wasn't getting my hopes up. I think back to the ultrasound I had in September where the women told me I would never fall pregnant with my uterus the way it was and all the things that went against us and thinking that we would ever be able to have children. 

I guess when you stop and accept things as they are - little miracles can happen.

So that is my story….

Oh and to ensure I fit in my wedding dress, a bigger size was ordered and the date moved to the end of June.  So marriage, baby and moving all in one year - 2012 is certainly going to be interesting!

Monday, 9 April 2012

Remembering

Smells can transport you
back to a place
or time of yesterday
a facewash soap took me
back to hospital
the smells of cleanliness
and routine
green fairy liquid made me smile
as the memories of summer
in Nanny's garden washing dolly's hair
So many memories forgotten
until the scent of past overwhelms