Sunday, 18 June 2017

Blue Sky Thinking

I sat under the apple tree and dreamed. As the leaves danced in the gentle summer breeze and the blue sky became endless deeper.
I thought of blue sky thinking and what it meant. I thought of Cinderella's blue dress and " A dream is a wish your heart makes" I thought of my dreams and my heart's wishes.

My heart is broken and it wishes to be mended. My heart needs love to be restored to its former self.

I remembered a story; a story of a girl who puts her heart in a jar so to protect and keep it safe. But without her heart, she forgets who she is and she can no longer wish. She has lost the ability to dream.

No matter how many letters, words or sentences are used to make a wish, unless our heart is behind it and fully embracing the intent, the tone and the desire, we will never be able to dream, let alone make those dreams come true.

Monday, 27 March 2017

Looking for answers

Under Orion's belt
I wished upon a star
With my back against the wall
I prayed to the sun
I blamed the moon
and dreamt of the ocean
I questioned the very nature
of why we exist. 

Sunday, 26 July 2015


She sat wondering what it was that she had done. Why had it changed and when had it all become so different.
"We've become older" was one response she murmured. 
But it wasn't this that she wanted to say. 
She wanted to scream and shout "You forgot me".
This was the real reason.
Time changes us all she thought, but why should that mean that we forget. 
Life happens and shit gets busy but because someone is out of sight, does that mean they are out of mind. 
She stirred the spoon in her coffee. There was no sugar to stir, but she needed to do something that her eyes could focus on, before they cried. 
She watched the bubbles spin in anti- clockwise motion. 
"This is how I feel" she whispered.
The thoughts tumbling like the bubbles.
A tear slid from her eyes and stopped the  motion. 
"You no longer need me" 

Monday, 13 July 2015

Chasing the sunset

I chased the sunset all the way home,
just for you,
to save you,
from yourself
your cries off wants,
your screams of needs,
it broke my heart.

The faster I went,
to catch the sun,
before it set to darkness
and before your teary eyes
shut me out.

Saturday, 30 May 2015


I want to try
to ignite
the passion 
the release 
of tension
the peace 
I found
when I gave you
my words.

Thursday, 8 May 2014

Hard to Swallow

My Dad has cancer. He was diagnosed in February with Oesophageal cancer and cancer of the gullet. He has had a hiatus hernia for years and before Christmas 2013 he noticed that he was having difficulty swallowing and felt there was a lump in his throat. He does and it is a big tumour.

Only 5% of people with this type of cancer live beyond 5 years of diagnosis. This is a very 'hard to swallow' fact.

With three chemo sessions down and the 'rest period' about to start before he goes under the knife and they remove his oesophagus and turn his stomach into his food pipe, I can't help think about the next five years.

Monday, 5 May 2014

Moving on

We never hit it off at the beginning. I thought you had an 'odd' smell about you; one of stale cigarette smoke, wilting flowers and dust. You were so dark in appearance: faded at the edges but a dark swirl of patterns - too busy for the eye to take in.

I didn't think I would be able to love you.

As the first few years passed, I stripped you back. I removed your layers to reveal a calmer, smoother appearance. Your fragrance altered to the smell of fresh beginnings and pink oriental lilies.

Lillies always remind me of you.

We went through many happy times together. Parties with friends who enjoyed spending in your presence. From summer barbecues to Halloween and New Years - the drinks flowed, laughter filled the air and we were all happy.

Cracks then started to show and sadness often penetrated deep within. There were awkward silences, lies, and then more lies. I left you for a short time but returned and felt welcomed and missed, noticing that smell - your smell.

We saw many changes together. I know there were times when you wanted to close all the doors and for it to just be us, so they could no longer hurt me.

We created an vibe, an aura of calm, love and acceptance. Friends came and left, friends partied and slept - all feeling refreshed, relaxed and at ease when they said goodbye.  We were a sanctuary to many.

You met him when I did.

He needed our warm and welcoming embrace. Like me, he found himself whilst being with you. He grew, he mended and he began to understand love.

We were so happy together with you. Our own little world, together building a future, working as a team until the day came when we had to leave.

I cried when I left you and whilst I saw you many times after - it was not the same. Your smell was different. You belonged to someone else - you were their saviour now, not mine. You changed your appearance but deep down I knew you were still there.

They then left you and you were all alone.  Slowly,  I had to strip you bare and take you back to the beginning. Empty, cold and lifeless.

Your smell, musty and removed of life.

Yesterday I said good-bye for the last time. I am sad. You meant to much to me. You allowed me to be free and to become who I wanted to be. You meant to much to many others too. You gave us so many memories and I would like to thank you.

Goodbye my little house on Campbell Road.