About Me

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

Time wasting

I feel like I have lots to say but nothing worth listening to. I am going to write it as it is and as it comes, which will resemble the state of my mind: chaotic.

I hate writing press releases. We have the 2009 editions of all our visitor guides and pocket guides and I need to launch them with the local press. I don't know why I dislike writing press releases so much, I think maybe, it is a confidence issue, I need to get to the stage where journalists print my news verbatim instead of cutting a piece of work (which I spent far too much time on) down to 20 words.

The problem is, I am instigating a lot of PR. As a destination marketing business, we have a great opportunity to jump on the back of the recession, after all, around 20 % of those who took a foreign holiday last year will be saving money this year by choosing the UK as their holiday destination. Apparently, there will be a lot of 'trips down memory lane' as parents take their families to the seaside resorts that they visited as children. Anyway, I have lots of ideas but even more frustration at the execution of them.

It is an interesting week at work. One of the founding directors is leaving to pursue his career. He is taking one element of our business to set up as an independent Ltd company an I have never see anyone so un-bothered about relinquishing something that was an idea on a cigarette packet a number of years ago and now a fantastic business with staff. He has been a total shit about the whole process and I feel very angry and hurt by some of the decisions and methods he is taking to achieve his goals. As a leaving present I have bought him a pink sparkly stapler as we have 'issues' over (my) stapler which lives on (my) desk.

I am listening to Wasted Youth on repeat, it makes me want prance around and head bang. A feel good song from my not so wasted youth. It is a Meatloaf song if anyone cares.

I feel a bit like a teenager with a huge crush on someone unattainable such as a college student or lead singer of a band, except my crush is attainable, I just haven't seen him for nearly two weeks and I am suffocating with anticipation. Three more sleeps to go.

This morning, when I was half asleep, dozing to the radio, I could have sworn I heard that a women had given birth to an octopus.

Thursday, 22 January 2009

The first month

Cold, dull and blue
a deep depressing blue
ephemeral or the course of months to come
new beginnings, bad associations
a split, a phone call, a broken heart
frosty edges and brittle tension
cold fear for the mindful
an email, letter, an apology
tearful expressions
misjudged intentions
or sad

Wednesday, 14 January 2009


Between partners, friend, colleagues, clients and family there is always a level of compromising which is acceptable, that is how we get through our ever complicating lives; agreeing on less than we originally wanted for the sake of things that are more important to us such as love, peace and more often, a simple quiet life. But what of when you compromise what you, yourself want to be? What becomes of those that compromise the future, security and happiness of others?

There is a lot of compromise taking place around me and I am unsure as to whether it is based on the lack of acceptance or attainability. Selfishness has a part to play; it is the darker voice from the left shoulder saying “think of number one”, “don’t give in”. That is OK, if the compromise is unfair or unacceptable but when someone is in front of you, someone you have a love for, and they are stood with their defences down, hoping for honesty and trust, is it not the ‘right path to take’ and adjust your demands, perceptions or values to a more comprising ideal?

I have a dream. A life wished for and worked towards, a job which is a means to that life. I have morals and values, reflective of that life which holds me as I want me to be, a promise to myself.

Is it that others are compromising my dreams or am I? What would happen if I shared those dreams? They become vulnerable and open to further compromise by those selfish enough to try.

Thursday, 8 January 2009

A sunset for the tastebuds

I think that some of the most beautiful sunsets can be seen during winter. I could taste the sky on the way home; it is orange and pink mixed together, pineapple and raspberry twisted on your tongue.

I watched people cross pedestrian crossings through rose tinted glasses as the sky swirled with pink fluffy clouds. If I reached out to take a slice of the sky, it would have a dusting of icing sugar and a fragrant rose smell.

As the sun rested on the horizon, the parma violet veil gently fell, closing the day with a sense of calm and leaving me with a sweet tooth.

Monday, 5 January 2009

Happy New Year

My NYE celebrations were a bit of shambles. Boyfriend's van wouldn't start so he was unable to come down from London and it was too late to catch a train, so I went to the local pub with my dad and brother. In an effort to try and enjoy the evening and stop feeling miserable for not being with Martyn I drank far too much. Not only did I fall over and sprain my ankle (I blame my black patent stiletto heels and very tight pencil skirt combo) but I also can't remember saying happy new year to anyone. My brother assures me I did and that I was busting some excellent moves on the dance floor.

This leads me to my resolutions:
1. To drink in moderation
2. Always do the right thing

According to my stars for 2009, this is going to be a very good year for me. I have been reading a variety of horoscope predictions for this new year, I am a very typical Libran and it amuses me to see how different papers predict slightly different happenings. I think 2009 is going to be a challenging one, work is going to be a difficult one due to one of the directors leaving to (selfishly) follow his goals. It will be a make or break time for the the business but there is an offer of directorship for myself. A decision to ponder over in some depth.

I want to do more of what I enjoy in 2009: baking, painting, going for walks, cooking, dancing, spending time with friends,  gardening, reading, spending time by the sea, smiling, laughing, loving and letting go.

I want to do less of: eating junk food, crying, sulking, procrastinating, over thinking, feeling bitter, all day hangovers,

Sally has tagged me to write seven things about myself and then tag seven more people, I never usually do these things, but I feel like time wasting:

1. I am the same height now as when I left primary school ( 5ft 7in)
2. I love pigs
3. I am coulrophobic
4. I can't eat chocolate and haven't done so for 18 years.
5. For my lunch today, I ate a ham, cheese and mustard sandwich on white bread and an apple
6. I have a sore neck and back from sleeping funny on Saturday night
7. I think I have a ghost in my house

The seven people I will 'tag' are: Emily, Bethan, Martyn, Laura, Emma, Bunglie, spiderpig.