Reaching for you

Last night I had a dream:

I was in bed asleep, in that hazy, drifting slumber when you can't work out where you are.
Someone got into my bed, they were on the edge but I felt the heat from their skin.
I reached out and felt an arm as a hand reached back to me. Fingertips on my skin, barely touching but I knew it was you.
I wanted to pull you closer, I reached more to find you and I called your name.
Your name repeating on my lips as I tried to find you.

I woke myself up by calling your name aloud.

Once again

I find it hard to comprehend how I can still love you so much yet I am so angry and frustrated by you.
Days like today, when all that is needed is a little humanity, a little kindness and when it is no about you and how you feel, make me unbelievably hurt, sad and angry.

I have started to wonder your intentions from the start.

I sit and watch others, the pain of seeing love and happiness make my loneliness and loss even more unbearable. .

I just keep having to remind myself that this is you. Your choice and decision.

You did this. You broke us.

Once again this space is going to be my saviour as words pour to help me on this journey, this transition and the adventure that one day I will be able to face again.