It makes no sense

I stand confused by your intentions.
I sit on my hands so that I do not touch
I lay under you feeling my heart crushed

I see you but I am invisible to your eyes
I hear your words yet I am lost to what you are speaking
 I taste you on my lips when I know I shouldn't

You look at me lost, your smile has faded to a distant time
You speak to me with no meaning
You listen to me distracted

We once sat by the river entangled in touch
We heard no sounds only the voices in our hearts
We spoke the same language, our own words of understanding.

Us is what I wish for
They is what I want
Them to say, are in love

Blue Sky Thinking

I sat under the apple tree and dreamed. As the leaves danced in the gentle summer breeze and the blue sky became endless deeper.
I thought of blue sky thinking and what it meant. I thought of Cinderella's blue dress and " A dream is a wish your heart makes" I thought of my dreams and my heart's wishes.

My heart is broken and it wishes to be mended. My heart needs love to be restored to its former self.

I remembered a story; a story of a girl who puts her heart in a jar so to protect and keep it safe. But without her heart, she forgets who she is and she can no longer wish. She has lost the ability to dream.

No matter how many letters, words or sentences are used to make a wish, unless our heart is behind it and fully embracing the intent, the tone and the desire, we will never be able to dream, let alone make those dreams come true.

Looking for answers

Under Orion's belt

I wished upon a star

With my back against the wall

I prayed to the sun

I blamed the moon

and dreamt of the ocean

I questioned the very nature

of why we exist. 

Stirring

She sat wondering what it was that she had done. Why had it changed and when had it all become so different.

"We've become older" was one response she murmured. 

But it wasn't this that she wanted to say. 

She wanted to scream and shout "You forgot me".

This was the real reason.

Time changes us all she thought, but why should that mean that we forget. 

Life happens and shit gets busy but because someone is out of sight, does that mean they are out of mind. 

She stirred the spoon in her coffee. There was no sugar to stir, but she needed to do something that her eyes could focus on, before they cried. 

She watched the bubbles spin in anti- clockwise motion. 

"This is how I feel" she whispered.

The thoughts tumbling like the bubbles.

A tear slid from her eyes and stopped the  motion. 

"You no longer need me" 

Chasing the sunset

I chased the sunset all the way home,
just for you,
to save you,
from yourself
your cries off wants,
your screams of needs,
it broke my heart.

The faster I went,
to catch the sun,
before it set to darkness
and before your teary eyes
shut me out.

Trying

I want to try

to ignite

the passion 

the release 

of tension

the peace 

I found

when I gave you

my words.

Hard to Swallow

My Dad has cancer. He was diagnosed in February with Oesophageal cancer and cancer of the gullet. He has had a hiatus hernia for years and before Christmas 2013 he noticed that he was having difficulty swallowing and felt there was a lump in his throat. He does and it is a big tumour.

Only 5% of people with this type of cancer live beyond 5 years of diagnosis. This is a very 'hard to swallow' fact.

With three chemo sessions down and the 'rest period' about to start before he goes under the knife and they remove his oesophagus and turn his stomach into his food pipe, I can't help think about the next five years.