No blues here

Well, January is nearly over and I am pleased to say that this first month of 2010 has been great and I hope that the rest follow with the same good feelings. Last January, I wrote this post ; I was feeling very different than I am now thanks to some great times with some lovely friends both old and new.

It is often the most simple things that give the greatest pleasures - shopping and coffee with friends on a Saturday morning, dinners in and out to catch up and smile. Last weekend I had a crazy night out with a work/twitter friend; we drank cocktails and danced until the early hours, laughing until my stomach hurt. I don't remember all the events of the evening, although I did had a flash back when Bon Jovi's 'Shot through the Heart' came on the radio yesterday. I have a vague memory of dancing (with actions) on an 80's dance floor.

This weekend as been much different, in fact, I would go as far to say that it was almost perfect. I drove to Brighton on Friday night for a mini tweet up with Butterfly Girl , a friend who I have got to know through Twitterland. We went for pizza and wine at her local, which, I have to say does the best pizzas I have ever tasted, and chatted about love, life and our adventures. On Saturday morning, we continued the conversations and theories whilst drinking coffee on the beach and watching the winter sun dazzle on the sea and give warmth to the bones of West Pier. We had nosey in a little art shop/gallery, where I fell in love with the work of Robert Ryan whose work can be seen in his shop Ryantown. The imagery and words are beautiful and make me excited about love and the future. I think I might have to start saving as I need some of his work in my room and in my life.




I left Brighton feeling refreshed and enthused and with a desire to go back to some books and philosophies I read some time ago. Thoughts that I may have let slip but which are ultimately part of me.

Saturday evening was spent with family as my sister turned sixteen. We enjoyed a nice meal and Louise received some great compliments from a women at the bar relating to her confidence. I told Louise how proud I was of her and that she is simply awesome. Love her to bits.

Today I have lazed about the house, reading and enjoying silence, pottering and writing. A few years ago, a Sunday spent in my own company would have driven me up the walls with sadness and boredom. Not now though, now I am comfortable and happy.

Backbone of steel

I am a dreamer. I always have been and I always will be. I believe in romance, adventure, mystery and fun; all the components that make a good story. A story where dreams come true and there is always a happy ending; just like the ones my Nan used to tell me when I was little, where the little fairy was able to go to the ball after making a dress out of petals and silk and how Spiderman and Superman stopped the train from crashing down the mountain saving the world.

I have always been told I can do and achieve whatever I want to, that the world and life is for the taking and therefore it should be grabbed with both hands. That our dreams don’t have to be just dreams; if you work hard enough then they are always within reach. However, it is only now, I feel confident and able to do this, only now I can see the adventure ahead of me and the dream that I actually want.

I have had people in my life who have numbed the dreams, told me they are unrealistic and made me believe they want to share them with me, others have encouraged yet not followed through. We all fall into relationships and situations where dreams are compromised and stifled, and often by conforming to another’s dream or a fallacy of our own, we stifle the dreams of others and they become unrealistic.

I was in a relationship for ten years, we owned a house and lived in it together for 5 years. I thought I would marry him and I thought being with him, all my dreams had been and would be answered. We travelled to Canada and Thailand, because I love to travel and thought he did too. (He didn’t) We were old before our time, and soon enough we both we lost our dreams and fell into a rut, a comfortable rut, but one where neither of us would be totally happy and fulfilled.

Now I know he was never part of my adventure and that ending that relationship and letting him pursue his dream with his ‘bit on the side’ was the best thing to ever happen to me. I don’t think back to our times now and I don’t feel the pain from what he did. I am better off.

Having watched Revolutionary Road recently I have an over-whelming sense of being aware of my dreams and never compromising what I want and who I want to be. Revolutionary Road is a powerful film about a family in the suburbs during the 1950’s. I could see myself as April Wheeler when I was in my relationship with S, wanting the house in the country, all very cute and quaint, playing happy times when actually I was screaming to explore – wanting to go here there and everywhere.

There was a great line in the film: ‘You need back bone to live the life you want’ I have a back bone and I know what I want and I know that I will get there eventually. The getting there is the adventure and the fun part.

Snowflake Kisses

snowflake kisses
land gently
on my skin
mesmerising whiteness
numbs toes
hands are warm
because of your hold
like my heart
because of your love

It isn't in my pocket

If you look closely
you will find it
neatly tucked
cosy on my arm
it is always there
open and honest
smiling contently
but full of caution
some have touched it
others have broke it
some tickle and tease
so it is told
the older it becomes
easier it is to notice
those that want to play
and those who wish
to place it in the
company of theirs.

Kreativ Blogger Award

What a nice way to start the New Year! I have been nominated for a Kreativ Blogger award which well, is just bloody lovely. I started this blog to sort my head out after a 10 year relationship ended and since then it has developed and become a space for me to enjoy and explore rather than somewhere to come weep and moan. It has certainly encouraged my creative flair, or as my mum puts it ‘the arty farty stuff you do’ And the comments and feedback I receive, well, it is just fab to know that people read my posts, let alone take time to comment. It is always a nice little boost!

In order to receive the award there are a few things I must do, which are:
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.

The talented Katie McCullough nominated me for the award; Katie is a Twitter friend who shares a love of hotties, Katie sometimes takes two to bed (and that was in the Summer!) I urge you to have a read of her blog, her published work and look out for her videos.

So, seven things about myself. Always tricky, for what I might think is an interesting fact, you, the reader might think drivel. Here goes:

1. I was a majorette when I was younger and won first place (for my age group) for the southern regions. I can still remember my steps although my baton is half the size of my arm.
2. I can’t eat chocolate because of migraines – haven’t touched the stuff in over 20 years.
3. In my late teens / early twenties I had a fear of London. Not sure why, but the thought of crowds and the underground scared the hell out of me so I used to make excuses as to why I couldn’t attend training courses in the City.
4. I am extremely clumsy and spill cups of water on my desk at work, at least 3 times a week.
5. I am coulrophobic because of Stephen Kings’ IT
6. Sunrise and sunset are my favourite times of day. Nothing beats a beautiful pink sky and the serenity it brings.
7. I have a tattoo on my back which was meant to be semi – permanent and only last for 3 years. I had it done when I was 21, I am now 30 and it hasn’t faded.... at all.
That was harder than anticipated.... Moving swiftly on... you still with me?

The seven blogs that I nominate are:

Adventures of a butterfly girl – A beautifully written and heart-felt blog, Lisa’s writing resonates with things that I have experienced. 2010 will see Lisa spread her butterfly wings, so make sure you keep up.

Diary of a Ledger – Fantastic reviews and fabulous blog posts, Gray completed a two day Tweetathon in 2009 which was awesome.

My Shitty Twenties – A fantastic, award winning blog by Emily. Her posts about her son and life cover all bases - I have giggled, smiled and felt sadness. Amazing lovely lady who is a super mum for what she manages to juggle – and to then keep on top of her writing.

A Day in the Life of Me – Hilariously honest blog, love Laura’s writing – this post made me laugh for days

I make believe when I do my make-up nice - Emily is one of my favourite writers in blog world. Her stories and poems are full of imagination and dedication. I am always in awe at how many stories Emily posts.

Nik’s Blog - Nik is a awesome writer and author, his blog varies from reviews to interviews – I have sought many a book as a response! and personal honest posts – another one to watch in 2010!

The Tea Drinking English Rose - Such a beautiful and pretty blog, the posts and imagery always leaves warm feelings.

All very different blogs but all equally fabulous, am sure some have already been nominated – if so apologies but it re-iterates how great you are at what you do!