About Me

Friday, 25 February 2011

Thinking back thinking of you

We all have songs that mean something to us; whether it be the lyrics, the melody or the memory that it evokes, reminding us of happier times or perhaps of the hard times and the fact that we have come so far. There are a few songs that remind me of particular times when decisions had to be made or had been made,and that when I listened to the lyrics I felt was being given a wake up call.

I heard one of the songs today and it didn't make me feel sad or low, it made me feel strong. I have been thinking of writing about these for a while so in my effort of being more organised and cracking on with the 'to-do list', here are three songs which mean something to me:

1. Dakota by Stereophonics
(Well there had to be one 'Phonics song!) As soon as I got the LSVO album, I fell in love with Dakota. At the time I was recovering from a very low period. I had been suffering from anxiety and stress following an infection I had picked up in Thailand. I lost all confidence in myself and simple things such as Christmas shopping with my mum in Decemeber 2004 would send me in to panic attacks with a fear of being in public. I underwent numerous tests and examinations as well as counselling and mentoring in an effort to get back to myself. By the time LSVO came out in February 2005, I was getting there. I remember wearing my candy pink mac and driving to a meeting with the Spring sun starting to show itself, snowdrops and daffodils beginning to show colour. I had the window open and was singing at the top of my lungs and I rememember feeling alive and strong and that things were getting better. And they did.

2. With Every HeartBeat by Robyn
This was more about the lyrics in particular: 'We can keep trying but things will never change.' In the summer of 2006, I found out that my boyfriend of 10 years and who I had bought a house with was cheating on me. My world fell apart. I didn't do what most do in that situation - kick him in the balls and throw him out, I didn't want to let go and couldn't, so for 18 months we spun around in a circle of continued lies and pain. Every time I knew they were still in touch I would leave or he would, but then the promises of making it work would come and we would try again. I lost count of the amout of times we tried. When this song came out, I felt that the lyrics were telling me what to do but I ignored and tried to get my world back, like Robyn sings 'Maybe we can make it alright' I was too scared to be alone. But, at the end of 2007 I couldn't take it anymore, I had reached a level of mental and phyisical exhaustion, I had wanted him to decided and pull his head out of his arse and do the right thing, he couldn't so I did and he left. From then on I focused on the lyrics: 'And I don't look back' and yes it did hurt with every step I took away from an old life to a new, but it made me stronger and I have never looked back since.

3. Broken Strings by James Morrison
Again, this was a telling song for me that a relationship couldn't continue, that sometimes no matter how much you love someone, that if trust is broken and if as individuals you are broken souls then no matter what you do, no matter how you hide and fill the cracks you can't make something better. When you know that you have done all you can, when you have remained true to yourself, if you know isn't right then you stand tall, be strong and walk away.

There are so many more but these make me stop and think about how I came through things. I know there is a song on the horizon to help me through this dip. Each day is a stronger one and as I get back to myself I know there will be a song to remind me that I did it.

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