Grief

Today my heart feels incredibly heavy.  I have a physiological response to you not being here.
I wonder if this is just the feeling of grief. The grief of losing someone who is still alive and who I long to hold and desperate to have a conversation with.
I can think of nothing other than how much I miss. My heart is constantly sending reminders which my mind can then not let go of. I am scared of losing my memories, and a time when I can no longer remember the softness of your lips, the feel of your skin, your smell and sound of your laugh. It is breaking me.

This weekend was hard. I said 'Happy Birthday' because I will not stop caring. Why should I change the kindness I have?

I've a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach. Both twisting at what I think might be. At the coincidences that appear.

I miss you so so much.