Yesterday I sat at my desk and burst into tears. The two minute silence had just finished, tweets were coming through on twitter with kind words of remembrance for the brave souls and a song came onto the radio that made my hairs stand on end as my eyes prickle.
I felt so desperately sad, not only for those that have lost their lives in wars – both the distant past and the recent weeks but also for those soldiers and ex soldiers who continue on. My thoughts went to an ex soldier who although alive, has lost his life through so many ways. War destroyed his soul and spirit and led him down troubled paths. It has and is taking years for those demons to be put to bed. I don’t think they will ever truly disappear; there will always be the memories of the sights and sounds of war. I also thought of my friend’s partner who at 27 joined the army this year and who is set to go on a tour of duty in spring. I hope he will be ok; the scars that he may return with scare me.
I also thought of someone else who I can see is broken and who has stopped his heart from believing in something that he started, something that he has grown and developed. Times have been very hard and instead of sharing, he has buried his head in the sand and prayed that all will be well. It isn’t well and it won’t be. All I can do is motivate and try to empower him with some faith in what he and his team believe in and the skills and talents they have. I only hope his grasp hasn’t let go completely.
Then there was my brother, who is the most caring, gentle, loving gentleman I know but who never seems to find himself in an easy relationship. His fiancé had ended their relationship leaving him distraught and lost. When he falls in love, he falls hard, deep and fast and after a number of long relationships that have followed a similar path, all we want is for him to find his ‘one’ and not someone who demands so much of his time and who takes advantage of his good nature.
My tears were interrupted by a fire drill, so wiping my eyes and grabbing my things, I made my way to the check point in the park where I stood and thought: All I can do is continue to be me, to keep growing and to provide the helping hand, the cuddles and the support to help them through these not so bright times.