.... Yourself and No One Else

Just when I thought it was all going to be ok and I was finally being given a little break from the hard stuff, something explodes.

I haven’t felt like this for some time and I thought I had finally put it to bed, that I had tucked it in under a protective soft blanket and said goodnight.

But it looks like it has awoken and proceeded to get out of the wrong side of the bed. With its angry grumpy head it has come crashing back into my life.

It once told me I am far too nice for my own good, that I shouldn’t be willing to give it away so freely.

But what could I do? I gave it to people I thought I was meant to, the relationships which are held together by it and which depend on it.

I didn’t expect them to use it and treat it so poorly and as if it can be replaced without a thought.
And now it scratches at my insides and fills my head with doubt.

Now it stops me believing.

That I will ever use it again.