Not much going on today

I am working from home today, well, meant to be. I have just gone online to check my work emails but instead got lost in reading stories and blogs about what people did on the weekend. Suddenly half an hour has gone by. Oops.

Below are the reasons I cannot concentrate:

My house is cold. I am refusing to put the heating on until the clocks go back.
The sun is shining outside and I want to sit in the garden and work, but I know if I do, I am in danger of closing my eyes and dozing in the comfortable autumn sun and getting even less done.
My washing machine is too loud
I keep picking at food: few crisps, lump of cheese, biscuit, more crisps
I am tired.
I feel emotional and keep thinking about the weekend gone
I keep watching my neighbours.

There we go, another 10 minutes gone. Double oops.

Just say it

I wait for a word
or a few that tell me you love me
I search for them in everything you say
I read words of the non specific
burying my head between the lines
searching for what I need

I have heard the words before
they spun me on your pedestal
until giddy with adulation
I tell myself those words are still there
just transformed through the other

But every once and a while
when my bank is empty
and my soul feels hollow
I need you to say it straight
and tell me that you love me

Potency

You make voices rise
Allow the tough ones to cry

You give confidence to the small
Make the angry brawl

You start giggles and smiles
Let some forget for a while

You enhance the pain
Liven the games

You allow truths to be told
Secrets to unfold

You encourage discontent
The fuel to vent

You damage ties
Words live through a lie

You make me see
How I don’t want to be

Decisions V's Choices

Ever feel that you are a hamster in a wheel which is being spun at such a ridiculous speed that your little tiny legs just won't keep up?

I do. I am stuck in that wheel which the Great Hand of Life is spinning; I am sure, just to have a laugh at my expense. I am not always running at the same speed, sometimes the Hand of Life is kind and will gently keep me at a stroll but only for long enough for me to catch my breath.

Work is insane. The two Directors have locked horns like two stags fighting over a female, only in this instance, the female is the company. There is no communication just straight at it. A split is inevitable and we all feel it and know that it is going on. At least with us all being aware there is always someone filling the uncomfortable silences. 'Anyone watch that show last night, you know the one with that funny guy', 'Cup of tea.... biscuit?' The only problem is that the decision makers rely more and more on myself. I should be a Director. I have to cover the sales campaigns for three publications between October and December, potentially another two as well as writing all the copy and carrying all the marketing activities and brand building for the company. Not much to ask hey! I could have said no, and continued to tell them that they should source a Sales Executive from an agency, but I see this as a chance to prove Director number two wrong.

Life is persistent. I have too many choices and decisions to be made. I know what I want to do and I know it is the right thing for me, but, what of the people I leave behind?
Some say I am distancing myself, I say not. These choices are going round my head like a die on a roulette wheel, it will stop soon, but where will it rest, black or red and can I handle either option.

My painting

Over the weekend I finally found time to sit down and paint a snuggle, (definition is here) it was my second attempt. The first was too cold and didn't portray the closeness of a snuggle.

I tried to incorporate some elements of some of the aboriginal art I saw in Australia. In dreamtime paintings of the indigenous people, the half circles represent people, you can tell whether the people are male or female by the instruments by the side, men often have spears. I can't remember what women have, I have just tried to look it up in one of the books I brought back with me but I can't find my Australia folder anywhere, I feel quite panicked about this. It has everything from my trip, from tickets to postcards, leaflets and books. I hope it turns up..... soon.

Anyway, my painting doesn't have any instruments, to me, it portrays the closeness and warmth of a snuggle.

Foreshadow

I stand in the shadow
Cast by giants
Not in size but presence
Too easy to forget I am there
The shadow holds me close
I may be stood in darkness
But the light has not gone from me
I am still alive and I still breathe
I can speak for myself
I do not wish to be told
For one day, I will be bigger than you
And I will be sure to leave you
Stood in my shadow

Foundations

They met for a reason

Two broken pieces
A shattered heart and a broken soul
One night to connect in body and mind
Gave light to dark times and new hope
Hands that fit, bodies that mold
An understanding of trust as the basis for new
A knowing that love lifts and lightens the path
Sometimes so close, yet distance prevents
The release of the past and belief in the now
The season continues as a friendship spins
Out of control where mistakes are made
Through fault of the past
But lessons of trust continue to build
Foundations for freedom
Build and grow
Together as one
A lifetime