Last week wasn't as bad as I anticipated. Which is good; with two hospital appointments I feared that the week would lead to some very difficult decisions having to be made. Decisions that I had already started to work through and partly arrived at.
Wednesday's appointment with the fertility clinic was the one I feared the most. Expecting to hear that my body is not hospitable enough to conceive naturally or grow a baby, I was told that they saw no reason why a) I would not get funding for IVF this time round due to the remaining ovary having to be removed and b) that my uterus is healthy and should be good to grow and carry.
*breathes massive side of relief*
After hearing that decision and knowing that a report is going back to the PCT to request funding, I felt a little more optimistic about my appointment with my consultant on Friday. I like Mr Metcalf, he is always very straight forward, explains things well and is genuinely nice. I feel lucky to have such a consultant on my side. He told us that, most importantly, I have time. The next operation does not have to happen imminently and that it can wait for the ivf treatment so that we do have the 'back up'. Now all we need is the ivf treatment to come through quickly.
Both appointments, whilst lifting a little weight off my shoulders, also imprinted some concern at the back of my mind. IVF isn't always successful and I know that this one round will be my only chance at having my own child.
The biopsies from my last procedure shows that there are cell changes in other parts of my pelvis and whilst they aren't bad cells, they are the same as Derek (borderline tumor cells)and an area of concern. So to ensure that these don't spread any further I will not only be having my remaining left ovary and tubes removed, also my peritoneum and omentum as the cells are littered throughout.
It is almost as though Derek cocked his leg before he left and sprayed my insides, marking his territory. The next operation will therefore be a big one and not as keyhole like I had hoped. They will go in though my current scar and up higher this time so above my belly-button. They will cut the current scar out and once done and they have taken everything, they will pull it all together and sew me up - I guess a bit like a tummy-tuck but the scar will be bigger and along with the two recent keyhole scars, my stomach will look at bit of a mess.
The thought of another big operation, days in hospital and 6-weeks recovery absolutely scares the crap out of me but I know it has to happen. But what scares me more is that to ensure the cells are all gone for good and to stop the spread I was told I may have to have some rounds of chemotherapy. That word makes my insides quiver but I am glad I know the whole process so I can prepare and hopefully, the operation will be enough.
This week, we also found out that my nan has cancer. I am not sure which type but it is 'down there' and she is having to have a full hysterectomy. At the moment we are waiting for a MRI to if and how much it has spread. She could end up as a patient with Mr Metcalf also, depending on the type and stage of cancer. All horrible and very upsetting but I know she will be in good hands.
The next 6 months are going to be very hard for us as a family. We all have our fears and we are all trying to prepare.